saturday the 21st of may
it seems that all i do these days is complain about work, look for work, go to work, in this endless cycle. constantly looking for something better but being reliant on what i’ve already got.
the last two months have firmly reminded me that the first year university excitement is fizzling, and fast, but this day still cannot shake the pensive twist in my stomach i get when i look at the old buildings around university. maybe it is the end of year cliché buzz, or the reminiscing of the year as i hand in my last essay, or maybe it is just the fact that i’ve been awake since 6am, but something thoughtful is in the air. i can’t be certain why, but i was in that nostalgic kind of mood where you look at the sunset and it makes you want to ring your dad. i haven’t heard anyone pronounce ‘book’ like we do in what feels like a thousand years.
the tesco rice cakes rustling in my tote remind me of home when i could send my mam to get any old thing on the shopping list, and she would do it because it was me and she loves me and i was excited. i reflect often about my upbringing, especially during these lonesome walks home for work, but today it dawns on me, for the first time really, that i have made it.
although my life is not perfect, i am exactly who my teenage self wanted me to be. i am at university, away from home, gaining independence and trying new things and making new friends and doing everything i wanted to do in my life. yes, i’ve gained some freshers weight, but i also travelled to a foreign country on my own. yeah, i probably drink a bit too much, but i also started working on my behaviour and began unlearning my biases and making sure that, as much as i love him, I never end up like my dad. i may not have it all figured out, but a lot has changed from 16 year old me, and i am exactly where she had planned for me to be.
i realise that i don’t have to be perfect to be proud of myself.
Reese On Record 
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